Christmas is over. Each meticulously wrapped package has been torn open and taken away—back to the store or hung in a closet or what have you. The nativity has been put away, baby Jesus and His family wrapped tightly in bubble wrap. The tree’s in the attic or out by the curb, and the voices that recently laughed and sang about the house have all returned to their own homes.
Christmas is over, yet winter is still very much here. It is cold outside and wet and sickness is abounding. You overspent during the holidays, so your household has decided to buckle down, staying in and eating leftovers. Once hobnobbing about the mall and taking dinners out on the town, you found you’ve gone from prince to pauper, and in your new Oliver Twist world, you find yourself feeling kind of down without even a seasonal Lifetime movie available to cheer you.
Yes, it is the most horrible time of the year—there’ll be snowstorms encroaching, no allows for roasting, and gathering tax documents; there’ll be diets beginning, for flabby ab-thinning, and depression had by the boatload!
Oh, yes, three months of winter remain, and with them blow the chilly winds of seasonal depression. Easter is a long way away, and even it doesn’t guarantee warmth. No, we have a long, arduous road before us, and for many this time of year means trouble.
How do you know if you or someone you know may be suffering from seasonal depression? Do you (or they) . . .
-Spend a lot more time in front the television, watching nothing in particular. In fact, the television may not even be turned on, yet the person just sits there, like a lump of mashed potatoes, only sadder.
-Hold sentimental objects in their hands—like Precious Moments figurines or a pet (especially a cat)—for long intervals of time.
-Creep everyone else out.
-Have a look in their eyes that reminds you of death or Kevin Spacey.
-Stare forlornly out the window and cry.
-Wear pajamas for days at a time.
-Talk often about how seasonally depressed they are by using words like, “depressed,” “misery”, or “winter’s merciless death-grip.”
-Talk often about A) Bankruptcy and B) Life Insurance Policies on themselves and other accessible family members.
These are just a few signs that the person in question could be suffering from seasonal depression. And while there is no known cure for seasonal depression and all its devastation, there are certain remedies to decrease symptoms. Here are some of those:
-Visit sunny Orlando! In sunny Orlando the sun is always shining, and if you can’t afford sunny Orlando? Well, then you must be in a pretty bad way. But hey, that’s okay, you can always visit your local tanning facility and pretend it is sunny Orlando—and, let me tell you, once you are in that little microwave booth, naked as the day you were born, rays just scorching you, you’ll feel all the winter just melt right off you! That, or hitchhike to actual sunny Orlando!!!
-Just keep celebrating Christmas till Spring! That’s right, a common way to get over seasonal depression is to have Christmas every week! Sure, you can’t afford gifts, but you can wrap up household items each week and make every Saturday Christmas. Last time I checked, Alvin and the Chipmunks Christmas CD is not a cost-per-play sort of thing. In February, you can merge Black History Month and Christmas and keep Black Nativity on repeat in the DVD player! Also, Christmas Ramen is better than just Saturday night Ramen, isn’t it? Just keep those decorations out and celebrate your way right up till Good Friday, and then, you guessed it, HAPPY EASTER!
-Remember, most things are basically just minded over matter. So you aren’t “sad” and borderline “depressed,” you just ENJOY the color black, and locking yourself in your closet helps you harness your inner JOY. Keep spinning things toward the POSITIVE and pretty soon the POSITIVE will just spin out of control like an unending nightmare of GOODNESS. And don’t worry yourself about those tears pouring down your face, those are just HAPPY RIVERS!!!!!
-Move into the Super 7 Inn for about a week and re-calibrate what sadness (and insect infestation) really is.
-“Don’t stop believing,” a wise band once said. Believing in what? you might ask. Doesn’t matter. Don’t ask stupid questions—that won’t help your depression one iota. Just believe, okay? And when you feel like stopping, well, don’t.
-Read funny books like this one or this one.
-Just sleep it off. Bears hibernate and they don’t even have thumbs or fully functional brains. Surely you are smarter than a bear, right? So when times get you down, sleep on through them. You’ll wake up to sunny spring, just in time to go fish for some fresh trout in a nearby stream.
So there are some concrete ideas that will turn DEPRESSION into an acrostic for life!
D – Don’t
E – Ever
P – Pretend
R – Reality
E – Es
S – Sad
S – Soon
I – It
O – Offers
N – Not-so-bad
Hope you feel better and Happy January!